Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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