i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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