Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
