i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
