also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize