i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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