you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
