woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
