How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Someone signed my nipple.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
