You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
