The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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