i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
