FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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