We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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