I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
