He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
