I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize