I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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