yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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