Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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