Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
