if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
