Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
