Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
