k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
