batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
