Have you finally orgasmed yet?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
