Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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