he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
