My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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