i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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