What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
