nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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