From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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