Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
