I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
