Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
