come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize