its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
