I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
