i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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