doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
