i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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