Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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