Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
