Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
