Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
