sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
