This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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