I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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