I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
