what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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