you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
