It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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