You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
