i permit you to call me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
