Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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