They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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