she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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