I've blown a few things in my day
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize