I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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