I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
