and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize