all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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