before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
