is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
