There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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