I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
