I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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