I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
