I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
